"We are products of our society,"​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ my French teacher used to say. Those words I have carried with me since my days of French class.  I have had many encounters with sexual assault. When I was 11, I was molested by three boys in school. A teacher walked in during the molestation, and the three boys lied and said  I wrote a note telling them when to meet me. I did not know this, but later found out about this from my parents. On the contrary, the event was quite impromptu and unforeseen on my part. The only thing I was guilty of, was being in the company of three boys that conspired against me. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; but I was in school, and this should never have happened. My parents called me a whore and a tramp. My mother went on about, "The music teacher said..." The music teacher went on her belief about what the boys had told her. It was all a lie. From then on, I walked and lived in that lie, because no one believed me.
 
Later, (four days before my 12th birthday) I was raped by a boy in my neighborhood, that I liked. Because of the way my parents treated me after I was molested by the three boys, I did not tell them about the rape. I told my best girlfriend, and two weeks later, she stopped speaking to me. I felt it was because of what I had told her. I had no adult support, and went on the best that I could, so young, and in so much pain.  

I lived in a house with a volatile father, and a provoking mother. How many of you know this is a deadly combination?  My father was physically abusive, and my mother was verbally abusive. I ran the streets to get away from them both. Unfortunately, as a youth, sometimes home can be a prison. I have served my time.
 
I tried to heal myself by reading magazines, listening to John Bradshaw tapes (Creating Love), and reading books like, My Mother Myself, Toxic Parents, and Getting the Love You Want. In my twenties, I attended a self-help group at WOAR, and decided to become a volunteer. I wanted to be available for other females, who like myself , needed someone to be present, and needed to hear from someone who knew and understood the isolation, of being forced into a sex act. What those boys thought was fun, had so negatively altered my life. While they were smiling and laughing, I was devastated and crying. My soul had been crushed.
 
I continued the rest of my life reaching out to other people, wanting to be loved, and wanting to give love. I found most people to be cold, self centered, and full of deception. (Lying lips are abomination to the Lord:  but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverbs 13:22 KJV)  This was especially true of males. Don't get me wrong. I am not a man hater, but the simple truth exists, that the majority of males I met had little to offer other than shallowness. I have found most to be quite content not being in a meaningful, honest relationship, and satisfied with nothing more than the "conquest" of a woman, as if she were void of emotions, and merely a trophy to obtain and brag about. The majority of males lack the knowledge or desire to love or to give true emotion. I have had the love of a man, and I do know what it feels like to love a man and to be loved by a man. And I mean just that--a man; not a male. Then and only then, when each person's goal is to take care of the other, can there be true synergy and growth. This is so of all relationships, not just romantic ones.
 
The longer I live, and have become more familiar with the word of God, I realize that what I have lived, has been foretold in the bible: For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of Godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. II Timothy 3:1-5 (KJV)
 
Sexual aberrance is pervasive in our society. On a grand scale, woman is not loved, cherished, honored or respected. The givers and nurturers of life (women) are devalued by the one's to whom they have given life. (Is this also not true of humankind toward God, the giver and sustainer of life?).  Now just to set the record straight, I know there are good men out there. I want to acknowledge you and solicit your help. It is my goal to help both men and women find their way to loving and respecting each other. We need healing in our relationships.
 
It is part of my plan that the men who do know how to cherish a woman, will help to mentor the males who do not know how, to a higher level of knowledge and consciousness, yielding a higher lifestyle. I have taken notice of your attempts to do so. It is also part of my plan to foster a universal conscience of respect and love within the youth. Without knowledge and actualization of this precept, the human race is doomed.

I abhor sexual preditors. I abhor males and females who have alterior motives in a relationship, other than to love from the heart, and to help the other person to be in a better place spiritually, mentally and emotionally. We should be enriching the lives of others, not depleting it. Life is serious and people are not toys. We need healing in our relationships. It is time men and women come together. We cannot do this without acknowledging and serving God. God is the center of all relationships.

So, why me?  Because God called me; because as riveting and life changing as the sexual assault experience is, it  is tied to my destiny--my unexpected end; because God can bring healing to any situation; because telling teaches others; because others want and need to hear; because telling my story heals me; because telling my story heals others; because the experience has brought me closer to my maker, and finally, no one can tell my story like me. Others have tried, but have gotten it wrong.
When your parents forsake you, the ones who are supposed to protect you--violate you and fail you, the people you love abuse you and walk out on you--you are left standing with only the love of God. I have heard the voice of God on this matter in my own life, and this is a lesson God had to show me numerously, before I got it. God can change your heart and heal your pain. But God is also a gentleman. He wants you to invite him into your life.

IF you want to give your life to God, through Jesus Christ his son, please say this prayer out loud as it will change your life in a magnanimous and positive way:

Lord, I am a sinner. I believe in my heart, according to John 3:16, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins.
Please come into my life, my mind, my body, my soul and my spirit. Forgive my sins. Wash me clean and make me whole. Shine your light upon my ways. Thank you for hearing my prayer Lord. Amen.
If you have just said these words, you have been born again. This means that you have chosen to learn the ways of God and live accordingly. Coming into the understanding of God and his son, Jesus Christ is a process, just like learning a new friend. You will be delivered from old ways of thinking and behaving. The process of sanctification (being purified from thoughts and deeds not in agreement with Christ), and deliverance from past hurts is gradual. If you stay committed to God and his son, Jesus Christ, you will be a better person for it. Find a good bible based church. Until then, you can study the word of God on any of the bible based ministries on the resources and links page.